The Workplace caricatures

Team maybe defined as a group of individuals striving together, and hence you have multiple traits composing itself as one unit. Below, is an effort to dismantle this unit and show the flavors that it constitutes itself of. Every team would have some or all of these caricatures. And sometimes having them all, sets up a fine balance as well. All of them have their interesting aspects. I leave it to you to choose the best.

1) The “Slogger” – He loves his seat. And he loves his Laptop. No distraction is enough distraction and seems to have swallowed the Bhagavad Gita (Karam Karo, Phal ki Chintha math Karo). Generally specs boarded, silent candidate, who believes in worshipping work. He is the favorite to many as he would assist anyone at work. He times his few breaks and doesn’t indulge in gossip.
Attire – “Does he care? Darn anything that comes in handy, work is important, not clothes”

2) The “Good for Nothing” – There can be sub-categories to this as one may display multiple traits to fit this bucket. Usually, evicted from the work place if he is not able to disguise it. But otherwise doesn’t expose himself and sticks to a client who is easy going and does demand much. Doesn’t involve himself in cross team exercise to safe-guard his left over reputation.
Attire – Formal Clothing throughout the week, One less thing to complain about them.

3) The “Management Guru” – Normally doesn’t involve in the day to day operations, but prefers spending time on “STRATEGIC INIATIVES”. And his task stops with initiating this exercise and then the “Slogger” does the rest. He loves to brag about his previous stints and commonly seen using the following jargons in meetings – “integrate killer metrics”, “transform interactive action-items”, “expedite cross-platform portals” . Loves to set-up meetings with little agenda. Perceived by many as a visionary – and a potential manager of sorts.
Attire – Crisp Attire. Polished shoe and belt. The divine Blue shirt/black trouser combination.

4) The “Fire-Fighter” – The best man to have when your client is screwing you left, right and center – Even better if he is your manager. Makes his point clear and has no time to crap around. Being direct in his conversations makes others uncomfortable. Generally good at work and very focused.
Attire – Unknown, no-one dares to completely look at their dress.

5) The “All-Knowing-Idiot” – They come across in all shapes and sizes. Prefer themselves to be labeled as a “Domain Expert”, as they have glanced a couple of analyst reports and would bring in those and only those few points in every meeting when their technology is discussed. Agrees to one and all and cannot counter arguments as they know nothing about it. And they speak so loud so that other walking by, would know that ‘He is the person to go in doubt’. Prefers to question in meetings and offer their unwarranted opinions. Basically a Frog in the well endowed with 2 analyst reports.
Attire – Found carrying more print-outs than clothes.

6) The “Sleepless nominee” – They are always found in the “Busy mode” on communicator. The three mails they send during a day are times @ 1.23AM, 2.50AM & 4.30 AM. Their utilization rates are the highest.
Attire – The groggy eyed still manages to dress up smart.

7) The “Impresario” – Strives hard to make an impression. Can be spotted in his early days. Found questioning in every meeting and having feedback sessions with his seniors on a daily basis. In his early days he is found sitting in the front benches in School and smiling at the teacher constantly and raising his hand to every question asked by the teacher. Visibility, good or bad, is good for him.
Attire – Depends upon who today’s meeting is with.

8) The “New Kid in the Block” – Fresh meat, I say. Embracing corporate life isn’t easy. They come and don’t last long as once identified, as they are put in their place by their managers. Given the right direction, they could focus their energies to come up with something valuable – but not always. They imagine big – Their decks go only to the top executives. And they wonder what others have been doing here for decades as they believe that they could change things in minutes. Attire – New clothes, Consistent addition to their wardrobe.

9) The “Gossip Monger” – He knows it all. He knows who is quitting and who is joining in his place. He knows what salaries you draw and at what grade are you. He knows that you slapped a colleague 7 years back when you were drunk (In all probabilities, you and your colleague would have completely forgotten it). He has his own networks to find where all you have been giving interviews. The only character other than the “Good for Nothing”, who identifies similar people to hang around and that’s how the network grows. They also fill in positions like “Crib machines”.
Attire – Decently dressed, but know which dress you would be sporting this Friday.

10) The “Chirpy Chaplin” – He is known to one and all. Even the guards/house-keeping staff know him. He talks to all and his remarks are never taken in an objectionable sense. His lips are elastic as he is found smiling at everyone. He is never uncomfortable with the top brass.
Attire – Formals only as he is found only with the top management.

11) The “12 to 4” – They are an epitome of balance. Come rain, come snow – They need to be back at 4. They are the “Cinderella” of the unit as hell breaks loose if they don’t make it home or otherwise. There office phone bills, if reviewed, would be minimal as they never used the office phone to take client calls. Honoring personal commitments remains their focus.
Attire – Too little a time to realize their attire.

12) The “Fashion Conscious” – They know calendar better than anyone. They seem to plan their attire for the entire week. Always found in shopping malls in the weekends and I admire the entire effort of synchronizing everything –From the watch to their socks.
Attire – Find someone else to talk about them, I am too naïve to say anything.

13) The “Commoner” – He is never seen anywhere. His manager has to ping him to know where he is sits. Nobody knows where he sits. Nobody misses him once he is gone as nobody cared to know him. He comes to the office like all of us; He does his job and vanishes in thin air and doesn’t believe in making noise. Easy resource to handle during FPR, as he is oblivious to the entire community – Specially for the manager as he could trample him with one statement ‘You don’t have visibility in the organization’.
Attire – No-one knows, no one care.

The Stress Factor

I am already feeling drained down, and this, my friend - is the first day of the week. So what constitutes this mental exasperation? Homo-sapiens in their late 20s are expected to be sturdy and rigid enough to handle the so-called “stress”. They are supposedly in the pink of their health. But first lets define mental stress – A force or an element in your existence that keeps you negatively engaged and negates harmony of life. The solution though, lies in the definition itself. The solution lies in a simple word – “your”. Its unique for every person and is different in diverse circumstances for the same individual. It is upto each individual of how much one wants to absorb or be influenced by this force. It is easier said than done though.

For example, I have a recurring issue in life like say – A dog barking in front of my house @ 6 in the morning every day. I try shooing him away but my efforts go in vain. I am quite weak hearted to poison him to exterminate his subsistence. And the my grievance falls on deaf ears of the civil bodies. Arguably I still have a lot of options left. But it depends on the individual how he or she tackles this situation and the amount of abhorrence, detestation, aggravation, the individual carries forward to affect the rest of the day. I may stay grumpy throughout the day dreading for the next morning. Or I just empty my mind and focus my energies elsewhere.

Now, this is a small concern that has little significance in compared to the issues that we face everyday. But the underlying fact behind handling stress is how much “you” incline yourself to take it on yourself. If you decide that this isn’t a major concern in life - it becomes MINOR. This is compelling fact that cannot be ignored. But there is a thin line between “Taking it easy” and being “Irresponsible”. A lot of times these qualities merge and the image that is casted out leans more towards a negligent disposition.

THE MAN RULES

Old, but I love these

WE ALWAYS HEAR"THE RULES" FROM THE FEMALE SIDE. NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE.

THESE ARE OUR RULES! PLEASE NOTE.. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED "1 " ON PURPOSE!

1.MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN.
WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN.
YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. SUNDAY SPORTS IT'S LIKE THE FULL MOON OR THE CHANGING OF THE TIDES.
LET IT BE.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT.
LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:
SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO.
SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT.
IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE.
DON'T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE.
NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS..

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE.

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS.
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF IT ITCHES, IT WILL BE SCRATCHED.
WE DO THAT.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY "NOTHING," WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG.
WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR.

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE..REALLY

1. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR
MOTOR SPORTS

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

1. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS.
YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT;

BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING.