Choice is always yours...

Why do we make it difficult? Why do we make it complicated?

I have seen myself complicate things - All by myself; Seen others do that too...Its just become very difficult to stay without complications; Simplification...call a spade a spade..and move on..

I know not when this dream will come true; As I saw 'Munich', the dialogue stays with me; "If you cannot decide in a day, you can never"..Jeez - He is right. Decision has to be made and settled for good. But there is lot to loose. Lots..lots of moments..lots of laughs...lots of care...lots at stake...lots of dreams..lots of fantasies...lots of life to loose

Desiring these 'lots', keeps you at bay...keeps you alive, keeps you going as they say...Finding ways through the labyrinth called life...Maybe there is a turn in these lanes and bylanes which takes you to a different world...Or maybe, I am happy going straight.

Resolution not to resolve

Well Well Well...here we are in 2013..and here is my first appearance in the world of blogging this year...I have started disbelieving in the concept of resolutions. This comes straight after a possible force in me turned towards ‘resolving’ to write more (Checked the stats on the number of posts in 2012– pathetic is the expression I could relate to). Then the mind went into considering what is the definition of resolution?? Resolution can be defined as acts/doings that we want to do and we don’t do reasons aside. If we want to do it we would anyway do it, unless somewhere we have certain elements (controllable or uncontrollable) surrounding the doing, from actually getting it done. And when you actually want to do it, you would resolve yourself naturally to get it done and cross any hurdle that comes your way as you have already channeled yourself to accomplish the said task.

And hence I said to myself that I would blog when I want to blog. Its been a month since that thought has gone by and here I am posting my primal post for FY 13.

But do we always need a new year to do what we want to do? I believe the human mind has formed a logical cycle towards the close of the year as an assessment cycle and starts a conspicuous effort to filter out what wasn’t done that could/should have been done. Its quite natural as we see the word concluding the year and readying itself to a brand new era. End is the new beginning and any beginning to a logical mind is a reason to refresh itself to improve in doing it better. This transition is motorized by contemplation, self-inspection and introspection. Introspection is an integral part of change. But any forced change is never going to bring a result that an inspired change

We always say that you should do what we enjoy doing. But then the very effort of forcing, fitting and plugging in resolutions is adulterates the sanctity of these resolutions as you would never deliver your fullest till the time you decide naturally to it.

So much for resolutions!!

Merry go around

Is there a way out? Is it the labyrinth? Or is it a realization that it is? If it is then, is there a way out? Tautology at its best eh! Optimism finds a way always, if not atleast you find hope. Then there is patience and perseverance. How long and far can patience and perseverance help you be optimistic? This magnitude defines you then. Years of sweat and exertion remains the cornerstone for this optimism to last as my father would say. But sometimes, the mind rests not break a sweat. The inertia of inaction or way too much action could make it numb to its cause. But then as history behind us constantly murmurs the optimism. And yes…where there is a will there is always a way. Tomorrow never dies…… Good morning!

The reset button

There is interest but there is no will. There is an sense of understanding, but an effort to follow-up further is amiss. An intention to set things in order is unpersuasive. There is so much to do and there is so much to learn. Its limitlessness poses the threat and collides heads-on to the progressiveness of thoughts. Truth somewhere somehow pushes the usual motion of keeping the ball rolling –continuing to breathe. Living certainly is something else though. Moments that live are far and few. A melancholy stage undermines every effort and lends to leaning over subtle dangerous distractions. Distractions deny logic for moments and the ground reality sinks in with greater vengeance. The why, the who and the reasons of existence and barrage of lesser prevalent queries results in a fickle minded mundane task oriented state. A state which has a history of better wellbeing that succumbs to the inability to figure out logical explanations to adjust itself to a superior level where there isn’t a cry over routine – A state of tranquility – A search for peace.

Calcutta – The city is out to give me a good laugh…

My previous posts about the city are congruous enough to bring out the charm the city oozes with. The charm doesn’t necessitate being treated like a prince or offering a royal reception when I land here. The charm also lies in the attitude that the city resonates among its residents. That said, what does any City account for without its residents. I was confronted with a couple of episodes that seem worth mentioning.

The first of them occurs no sooner I am in the city. I landed at in the night and I get a pre-paid Taxi booked for myself straight headed to my home in South Calcutta. The prepaid receipt nowadays doesn’t have the taxi number printed, but is just a receipt that can be used in the taxi booth outside where your cab is randomly allocated by a bunch of officials. As I approach the booth with the receipt in my hand, I see this spectacled guy, who walks up to the booth officials asking them to join him for a cuppa. They say no and they give me a Cab number, which I am expected to find from the taxi stand. I get the number and I stroll past this possible cab driver aimlessly looking around for my cab. This specimen then snatches the slip/receipt from me with authority and walks me down the stand and gets me near the my cab, opens the door for me and I get in. Then surprisingly, this looks at me and says ‘Dada thoda teeeepsss dejiye na’ (Give me some tips please). I have this expression of denial as I am perplexed with the audacity behind the ask. I am fortunately physically stable, visually able & I could have easily found my cab in that maze with a little search. I never asked for his assistance and here he is asking for teeeep. That said, He isn’t absolutely wide of the mark in asking a teep as it may be a practice that’s followed for the ‘self proclaimed taxi maze assistance’ that he offered. But the city I know does these favours without requests. I darted back a rude reply and asked the taxi driver to move on. Harsh I may have been, but I wasn’t ready to change my city. And for all my efforts, the city might have already changed. And so much for the charm.

I went doing errands at my place and one of them was to play the telephone bill at the post office. The telephone bill amounted to Rs 475. What would be the natural denomination that you would present? I figured it would be 500 rupee note. I presented the same to the cashier for the paying the bill. And here I was hearing a mouthful from him about the fact that he had paid ‘change’ to five people before me as they didn’t tender the exact amount. For a moment I was about to resist and give it back to him. But then I realized that it is needless to pull up an argument with a low-life as I don’t think I would ever meet him again in this goddamn world. I had a grin on my face for the rest of the harangue he offered about the lack of common sense in me. And I had a good laugh at it in my walk back at home.

When Life flashes by in seconds:

Humans have a very long life…very long…Its so long that we fail to respect the good part of it. When a movie is too long to watch, the good part of it gets lost amidst everything. Its something like that. In my close to 3 decades of existence I have also seen the good, the bad & the ugly in relative terms like each one us. But never before have I ever thought of life in human terms as much as I did today; And it didn’t come without a reason. My dad got hospitalized for certain health reasons and they stay a good 2K kms away from me. And when my mom related this to me over the phone explaining the fact that he is not responding to her calls and seems to slipped into some kind of a perpetual slumber, I could feel my knees weaken. I have never heard or seen any of my close ones get into an exigency like this before…Never. With my grand-pops and grand-mom passing away peaceful at a ripe age (Octogenarians), it never hit me that death or loss of your own kind could happen sooner. Never ever have I been brought this close to notice the fact that loss of life could happen. Life lost is life lost. There is no way on God’s green earth that you could ever see them again. Its such a loss.

For a brief period, I was stoned and paralyzed. But somewhere in some corner of my heart, there were this strong feeling that I cannot loose my father now. I cannot. It kept reverberating in my ears for a while and some strange optimism crept in. And my man did survive. The few seconds between my mum stating the news and the inherent sanguinity, I could see my whole life transpiring in front of me. Life did flash by with the memories of my father around me. A man who has supported and guided me in almost every facet of my life is out there in all almost life threatening situation. I just had to see him again. Life being long, can seem very short sometime eh!

2011 synopsis...

I wanted to put in what had changed in 2011 in comparison to the previous years. But there isn't much that I could think off as of now.

There is something that is become clear to me. My ability to write blogs seems to be eroding as I am not able to use the right words to convey the message crisp and short. The last sentence had 29 words - speaks for itself. Blame it on my vaporization from the blogging world for almost half an year. And I also believed the writing and speaking are separate arts which do convolute at times. But what I am discovering is I am just writing my mind here rather presenting a thought in a manner that appeals better to the reader.

Ok – Let me give this a shot and see how long the list goes.

1) Had our first official school get together. IT WAS FUN.
2) Went for a expensive vacation for the first time. IT WAS FUN TOO.
3) Dealt with a financial organization to get a loan processed all on my own – Sounds small, but trust me it was difficult.
4) Got my first smartphone – Am still in love with it.
5) Bought my wife a smartphone as well – Hope she is still in love with it. Or else I would have the same entry next year.
6) Learnt Poker.
7) Made some good new friends.
8) Watched some movies in theatre – Hardly go for movies – Highlight was MI4.
9) Went to Shirdi to fulfill an old promise.
10) Experienced the Delhi winter for a week.
11) Attended atleast 3 weddings - The amazing coincidence is the fact that all were equally boring. Some things don’t change.
12) Played Carrom after years. Brought back memories when my brother used to thrash me out. It wasn’t any different this time. Just that it was my wife sitting across the table.
13) Mentally thought of being physically fitter; hmmm still thinking about being fitter.
14) Filled a few forms and realized that my handwriting has gone from bad to worse – Blame the laptops.
15) My quantitative abilities seem to be weakened significantly. It took me 30 seconds to calculate 35*56 =1960, which would have otherwise be less than 10 seconds. Man I hate these systems. I have become a slave to them.
16) Watched Kalaripayattu (Form a martial art in southern India) for the first time.

I give up. This is all I could manage to pen down. God – Writing has become difficult.

Some questions linger unanswered still.

1) Still haven’t figured out whether Justin Bieber is guy or a girl.
2) How do hikes of vegetable prices stay ahead of Inflation rates always?
3) Will petrol prices reach hundred first or would Sachin (aka GOD) hit his next century?
4) Does GOD know when GOD would his century of centuries?
5) What would be the next attire of Lady Gaga? Let me guess – scuba gear with a crown on top…
6) Would Nostro’s predictions come true…

We have an entire year ahead of us to answer these questions. Feel free to drop in your questions too and lets do a recap later on how they fared.

Introspecting the (Me)ss

A recent episode revealed to myself the ego, that I possess. Don’t want to get into the details. But I am really discontented with myself. After the event passed by, I realized later the aggression that I possess when I want destroy someone, could actually be put to positive use. The same energy would have taken me places if invested in the right channels of life. But for some strange reason that fire never smolders above a particular level when I want to do something good to the world. I don’t understand this imbalance. Is it the lack of motivation or is it the lack of preference? If the latter is the reality, then I am definitely not a responsible citizen. Still trying to sort my mind through this mess.

But one fact stands true in all these years. I did refer once about loss of innocence vs maturity in one of my previous articles. With the momentum set towards progression in life, I have lost that honesty that I used to have when remembering the almighty. There are so many distractions, so many materialistic wants that is derailing my thoughts. This is a phenomenon that I have been observing for more than 2 years.

I badly want to get that familiar positive attitude that I could boast about at one point of time. I have tried sitting and not thinking about anything else but our bearded old Lordie, but attention span is drastically down.

Maybe I need a break which convolutes into a vacation that I am off to in a week’s time.

The balance between spirituality, religiousness and pragmatism

Generally our country is renowned for its religious beliefs and sentiments that are considered to be very sensitive. Generations have been passed on the knowledge of what our religions are and how we need to adhere to it. Spirituality is definitely not being religious as it requires the subject to figure an inner path to the truth of life. Religion aides this process.

With the context set, my observation rests in the religiousness of this young brigade who have taken their first few steps into their professional career. I do believe that this is a cohort which does hold most of the knowledge that the previous generation passed on and also face stern mental oppression from expediency. This expediency is caused by the innumerable impractical methods that have been advocated by the previous generation which they have followed blindly through their existence. Or rather what the current generation has realized as it being impractical. When one starts to reason religion, there is confusion. This results in leaving some practices out and results in questioning every practice as well. It becomes a habit. There are two sides of the coin to be dealt here with. One that says, do what you believe in and thereby giving complete independence to the individual to decipher every facet and every dime of belief that the previous generation tried to incubate. The other side of the story is to accept what has been done and continue to do it with a stern belief that my ancestors aren’t fools to follow something this long and this may also result due to belief and understanding in what a religion says. It takes a lot on this generation to clearly articulate the path they need to take due to the freedom that has suddenly dropped in from nowhere. One may ask why this didn’t occur before. That’s exactly why I hinted at the professional space. The professional requirements now demand folks to stay for long periods away from their family and this is where the freedom sprouts from.

My concern is not lack of religiousness but is the lack of spirituality. Going to a temple doesn’t mean being religious. It doesn’t mean being spiritual too and hence these are very personal and cannot be measured by a third person. But being religious does imbibe control which in some ways does inculcate spirituality. How? Atleast for a brief moment in a temple, one does think of a power that governs him and seeks its blessings and thereby controls his limits to appease the power though a self developed or a religious doctrine. This brings a lot to the table. The primary being a sense of being. A path. A connect to reality. A curb on ego. One can achieve this anywhere anytime if he seeks it. But given the freedom of the mind in this generation to do anything that they believe in, it does hamper such focus.

How many of today’s generation are found trudging the religious path? Even if they do, they are almost mocked at and perceived as people who lack practical outlook to life. Again, my point is not around going to temple or doing religious rituals. But the simple fact that it is tough for this generation to find the path of reality. And preciously why do you see something like ‘An Art of Living’ or similar entities functioning more than ever. Religion is just a path to spirituality. There is meditation, there is Yoga and these are gateways to spirituality. I am neither an expert nor a propagator of religion. But I do believe in spirituality and I also strongly believe that religion offers light through this long tunnel of finding yourself.

The travel Victuals

Food is not just a simple answer to hunger. Good food stimulates mental ability, unless there is an overdose resulting in cerebral snooze. I am travelling presently in Shatabdi (Chennai-Bangalore) and guess what – They served one of the better meals I have had travelling. This particular train has had a proud history of satisfying customers with outstanding service. They still stand by it.
The menu set for this 5 hour travel encompasses more than just the dinner. With a welcome drink to begin, they satiate your appetite with a crunchy nibble of Samosa , a thin sandwich, a traditional sweet and follow it up with tea/coffee to wash it down. Your tummy then gets rest for a while only if you please to keep the on-demand beverage service away. And at sharp 7 PM, the soup sticks come out with a generous serving of butter, which is followed up with a cup of soup. Ah! The precursor to the victuals thus sets a high expectation to the dinner to come. But they don’t disappoint you. The main course is simple. Two well done rotis which are relatively soft, a chana dal gravy, paneer butter masala, a cabbage-carrot dry curry, a salad and small bowl of rice with pickle and curd. The chana dal is thick and I need a spoon to dig in. The paneer masala has real good paneer in it and has more than 7-8 pieces. The rice is thin and clean. The cabbage-carrot mix has minimal oil and retains their indigenous crunchy taste. The curd is thick and again necessitates the use of a spoon. And yes you aint done yet – If you have a sweet tooth you would be glad to see a cup of amul icecream hop your way. And a little tip can augur well to repeat anything that you like.
If I have to wear my microscopic lens to come out with a suggestion to improve, then I may crib about the salad not being as fresh as the rest. But even that scores much higher than the food that we get in our airline industry. The airlines need to take a lesson or two when it comes to food from this express. It doesn’t mean that I am demeaning the airlines, as they can impart many a lessons on cleanliness, maintenance, infrastructure etc.
As you ponder about this piece of my judgment, let me enjoy my second cup of icecream which has been offered out of bounteousness.