A recent episode revealed to myself the ego, that I possess. Don’t want to get into the details. But I am really discontented with myself. After the event passed by, I realized later the aggression that I possess when I want destroy someone, could actually be put to positive use. The same energy would have taken me places if invested in the right channels of life. But for some strange reason that fire never smolders above a particular level when I want to do something good to the world. I don’t understand this imbalance. Is it the lack of motivation or is it the lack of preference? If the latter is the reality, then I am definitely not a responsible citizen. Still trying to sort my mind through this mess.
But one fact stands true in all these years. I did refer once about loss of innocence vs maturity in one of my previous articles. With the momentum set towards progression in life, I have lost that honesty that I used to have when remembering the almighty. There are so many distractions, so many materialistic wants that is derailing my thoughts. This is a phenomenon that I have been observing for more than 2 years.
I badly want to get that familiar positive attitude that I could boast about at one point of time. I have tried sitting and not thinking about anything else but our bearded old Lordie, but attention span is drastically down.
Maybe I need a break which convolutes into a vacation that I am off to in a week’s time.
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